“Zero-Sum Game”, End notes

[aadler]

[ Endnotes posted 19 May 2018 ]

Where did the idea for the story come from?

The earliest shadow of an idea sprang from how Vi’s ferocity and focus, on becoming a Slayer, differed so completely from her earlier mannerisms; I couldn’t help thinking that Buffy, on seeing that, might remember her own beginnings and conclude that she was outclassed. From that point on, the story was designed to allow me to show Buffy reaching that conclusion.

Is there any particular significance to the title?

This was during the period when I was still trying to fill in the alphabet with the titles of my stories, and I didn’t have a “Z” yet. Once I had the title, well, it worked some of its own effect onto the story. In fact — while acknowledging the predetermined conclusion I named in answer to the previous question — I essentially shaped the story to fit the title.

What is the thing I like most about this story? the thing I like least, or about which I feel most doubtful?

Liked most: the humanity and humility of the people being shown. These are girls and young women looking inside themselves, trying to come to terms with something unwelcome, and so there’s none of the artifice or defense they might show in dealing with someone else. I honestly liked Faith’s the best, but Kennedy’s was the most unexpected for me (like many if not most fans, I did not find Kennedy at all likable). Each of them is faced with her own self-perceived inadequacy, and each of them — though Vi takes longest — ultimately responds the same way. Step up. Give it all you’ve got. Do your best even though you know you’ll fail. (And then not fail after all.)

Liked least: the framing narrative, the italicized sections that precede and follow each vignette. Honestly, that was what made this the story it was, but I’ve never lost the feeling that it wasn’t as effective as it could have been. I don’t disbelieve any of the things I said, but I still think I could have (should have) found a way to say them better.

Is there anything I think I could have done better, or might do differently if I had it to do over?

One of the people who commented on the story called it a circle. That was the original intention, but it didn’t really work out that way. The story starts with Vi observing Buffy, ends with Buffy observing Vi, but the two in the middle — Kennedy and Faith — don’t actually connect to each other. A circle would be Vi comparing herself to Kennedy, Kennedy comparing herself to Faith, Faith comparing herself to Buffy (which she did), and ending (as it did) with Buffy comparing herself to Vi. Things would have had to proceed really differently for me to follow that structure, but it could be done, and truly would have formed a circle. Oh, well.

Do I have any plans to follow up on this story, or to use the character(s) or situation in a subsequent fic?

No specific intent, but the links are there. The KiłtonRǚq demon Kennedy remembers having fought had already been referenced in “All Ye Who Enter” and was again in “the Other Night I Dreamt of Knives”; Kinue, glancingly mentioned toward the end, had been profiled in “Precious Cargo”, and Xander subsequently thought of her in “Hungry Like the Wolf”. That’s as far as it went, and is unlikely to go any farther.

Any observations to add at the end?

In a number of ways, this story compares to “Precious Cargo”, not just because it focuses individually on several separate people but also because both stories are introspection and analysis rather than having any action. (And I do love me some action.) Sometimes the story knows what it wants to be, but I still suspect that the later story (ZSG) might have been influenced somewhat by the former. If so, it doesn’t seem to have harmed it, and I’ll have to call that good enough.