Another bump

[aadler]

Yesterday I found out (via Facebook, which I almost never use for myself, but which I keep open so I can track my kids and keep up with select others) that a former member of my old Army Reserve unit had been killed in a civilian accident. This was something of a jolt, for several reasons.

First and most obvious … well, I don’t really have to explain it. Someone you used to know has died. That’s going to feel at least a little weird to anybody.

Second is sort of about me. I joined my unit in September 2002, because I could tell by the news that we would almost certainly be going back into Iraq soon. By the end of November, I was in a retraining course at a base in California; by the end of January, I was on a bus to Fort Bragg with the rest of my unit, to prepare for our deployment overseas. My new unit operated primarily in three-man teams; the man I’ve been talking about — call him Badger — was team leader of the one I was assigned to. Before we left Bragg, though, I had been transferred to a different team, so I never served under Badger in the field. So, okay, I was the third man on two different three-man teams, meaning five of us in total.

In 2008, I found out that the young man who had been Badger’s assistant team leader had killed himself. During my second Iraq tour, 2009-10, I heard that the team chief of my second team had died of a heart attack. (During that first tour, the man was three years younger than me and looked fifteen years older.) Now Badger himself is gone, too. Except for me, there’s only one of us left, and I don’t even really know about him, in that I haven’t seen or heard from him in a dozen years. I was the oldest man in the company the day I walked in the door, and remained so till I retired; how am I suddenly in contention for Lone Survivor?

Third was also to do with age. The obituary listed Badger as 43 years old. When we met, he wasn’t even 30 yet. How did so much time go by without me noticing it?

And I suppose I could list a fourth, though that one didn’t occur to me till just now. Three men I met through the Army, knew throughout a wartime deployment, and all gone now outside of combat.

No idea what conclusions to draw from any of that. It just keeps feeling strange.

Comments

[ffutures.livejournal.com]

Heard today that a teacher I used to work with died yesterday, aged 45 - she apparently had some sort of seizure, collapsed, and died. I knew she had health problems, but I don't think anyone expected that. I was the second oldest member of staff at the school when I retired three years ago, only the head was older, it's weird that someone that much younger than me is gone.

[aadler]

So basically the message is: whatever age you are, start planning your funeral (and the details of your estate) NOW, otherwise you’re leaving your family a mess.

[ffutures.livejournal.com]

Pretty much. Reminds me I need to redo my will, I wrote it when all of my nieces and nephews were kids and the oldest is now 45...

[aadler]

Oh, yeah. And, while I was writing the above, I was fully aware that I’m nowhere close to having done anything like that. It helps that pretty much all my property is co-owned with my wife, and I have no particular valuables that would cause problems. I do have a will, though it’s several years old … but what I really meant was all the stuff that accompanies dealing with the death of a loved one. My wife’s parents died within three months of one another back in 2010; they didn’t have a lot of junk collected in their house, most of their papers were in a single file box, and it was STILL a huge hassle trying to work out a few small but vital details. On top of dealing with funerals (which, fortunately, they had also arranged in advance.)

I’ve thought about doing a little how-to book, “Planning for Your Death and Funeral”, just covering everything a conscientious person would need to do to minimize the difficulties for his/her survivors. On the other hand, I’d be just as happy if something like that already existed, so I could consult it and start going down the checklist.

[velvetwhip.livejournal.com]

I can imagine how strange and unsettling and sad that is. I am very sorry these men are gone. My heart goes out to their families and friends.


Gabrielle

[snogged.livejournal.com]

My sympathies go out to you and Badger's loved ones during this difficult time.

[texanfan.livejournal.com]

It is upsetting and especially so when you realize so much time has slipped by. I've recently been clearing out a store room and have come across so much old correspondence. So many people who I have let slip out of my life. I'm sorry you have lost these people who were such important parts of your past.