(no subject)

[aadler]

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Extended LJ absence, now ended.

First Cut — Family Business

My son and I went to my niece’s wedding Saturday the 30th. It was a rather nice ceremony (and a relief to have it over with; she’d been living with her fiancé for the past year, which was a serious sore point from my perspective), but with certain things about it that disturbed me and others that I found distasteful.

To begin with, the ceremony itself was held at a Holiday Inn reception room. Marriage is marriage and must be taken seriously, but one automatically feels disquiet when confronted with a wedding that aggressively excludes church involvement.

Along with that, her mother was there (of course), with the plan that her live-in boyfriend also be in attendance … in fact, I even heard him referred to as my niece’s “stepfather”. I think he may have been unable to attend, but his presence was expected and no note made of it.

Finally, though the arrangements and decorations were in good taste (even the bridesmaids’ dresses actually looked good), the music played for the various dances following the ceremony was appalling. While accurate, it is tasteless to play “Love Shack” at the wedding of a couple who had shacked up for the year previous. That was the worst example, but not the only one.

It’s done. She’s a married woman, and I have hopes that their lives will proceed on a more productive course from this point henceforth. This can’t be taken for granted — her father is currently on his fourth wife — but you have to start somewhere. However chancy marriage may be, at least the intent is for permanence.

Close First Cut

Second Cut — Army Issues

I’m going back ‘home’ tomorrow, to spend a few days catching up on various items of business before this month’s unit drill. In a small twist of irony, I’ve been designated the NCO in charge of tracking weight control for the unit members. I’ll need to check my own weight in advance of that (I bought a digital scale for my ex-wife, but her cats keep sleeping on it and using up the batteries by keeping the display constantly burning), but I should be okay; I may not know what I weigh at the moment, but I know I’m wearing my belt one notch tighter than I had been, which suggests that I’m still okay. And, once our physical fitness test is finished (and my passing score is posted), I can get on with my re-enlistment. The bonus that comes with that will pad my savings to a gratifying extent.

Still no further word, however, regarding a slot at the Defense Language Institute. Since the one I thought I had would have begun four days from now, I suspect that I won’t get it. I can still hope for November, or January after that, but something definite would be encouraging.

Close Second Cut

Third Cut — Personal Stuff

Susan (the ex) and I bought some things to send to our daughter in Taiwan. Some she had asked for, others just seemed to be a good idea. I’m tracking her experiences on her LJ, and looking forward to her return so we can spend some time together. This assuming that I’ll be here when that time comes; I’m still waiting for news on the language school slot I thought I already had. I may have to wait a bit longer.

Susan and our son continue to attend Catholic inquirer’s classes (they’re at one such as I write this), and it’s now to the point where they expect to proceed onward into the Catholic church unless something specific happens to halt the expected culmination. Wonderful, if a bit intimidating: I, always the rational one, learned enough to know that I could accept mainline Catholic theology, then joined the church; but Susan, always the emotional one, is treating this as a research project, buying books and consulting Web sites and talking about Theresa of Avila and John of the Cross and what is the Scriptural basis for confession? I don’t have the answers; in fact, she already knows more than I do. Our son isn’t very far behind, which actually isn’t surprising in that both of them wanted to go to seminary, they’ve just transferred their focus and direction to Catholic sources. I’m pleased, yet I know I’ll have to put in some effort to keep up with them.

Regarding the direction and result of my current relationship with Susan, no decisions have been made, but we’re now considering whether we need to discuss our situation with the priest of our parish. The Catholic church requires, for a valid marriage, notification (and presumably some form of counseling) at least five months in advance of the fact. Considering that

1. if I get the DLI slot, I’ll be elsewhere for a year and a half, making joint participation problematic, and
2. our marriage not only ended nine years ago but received an official Church finding of nullity,

it seems that we should establish whether we need to take extra steps to meet the statutory requirements. I repeat, this is not a declaration of intent … but we do seem to be trending that way, and if the time comes, I don’t want there to be any obstacles in place.

Close Third Cut

While I was in Iraq, I finished one fic and wrote seven others in toto; when I got back, however, I turned out one fic over the following year. I was determined not to repeat the experience. Well, that’s not looking so great. While in Afghanistan, I essentially managed one story per month, for a total output of almost 127,000 words. Since my return (almost five months ago), I’ve only done one set of linked drabbles (400 words), plus — so far — approximately 3,000 words of new text on my continuing revision of sroni’s story, “God Save the Queen”.

I can do better. I know I can, I’ve done it under far more demanding circumstances. It’s just that there are so many things now to distract me; not more work, but more frequent interruptions of my schedule. It’s time for me to settle down and take things seriously. I have no shortage of ideas, I can think of at least five current plots waiting for me to address them, plus “God Save the Queen” and its sequel, “Queen’s Gambit”. More than enough to keep me going, if I can ever get going in the first place

So. Starting tomorrow. Right now I’m watching Heroes on NBC. And liking it.

Comments

[texanfan.livejournal.com]

Idle curiosity, feel free to ignore, which parent of the niece is your sibling? This is actually one of the reasons I'm in favor of civil unions recognized by the government with marriage reserved for individual faith communities. Not that I haven't attended some lovely, and traditionally Christian, ceremonies outdoors but there is a distinction between the sacred and the secular.

I wish you well on both the army endeavors and the personal journey with Susan. Getting married in the Catholic Church is a very long process but I think it's actually an area where the Protestants have fallen down on the job. The Catholics provide important time for reflection on important issues, prayer and contemplation of compatibility. Us Protestants often have to come up with most of it on our own. :)

[aadler]

The niece in question is my brother’s daughter. She and I used to be close; less so recently, but maybe that can change now that she’s no longer living in a situation that all my principles compelled me to oppose.

So far as civil unions are concerned, I don’t see the point. Civil marriage already exists; I’m not crazy about it (as I indicated in the post), but the option is available for those who want to retain independence from religion. If it’s the same as marriage, then where’s the necessity? If it’s not, then why is it needed? The only purpose it seems to serve is to open the door to homosexual marriage — or some analog thereof — which I don’t see as a positive step.

As far as the Catholic approach to marriage … well, I accept it because I accept the church’s authority, and it sounds like a reasonably good idea, but statistically, Catholics in America are precisely as likely to divorce as non-Catholics. (Although, as it happens, those who follow Natural Family Planning and habitually pray together have a divorce rate of something like 5%.) Frankly, I like the sound of the covenant marriage format available in some states … including, I think, the one where I’m currently living. I probably won’t go that way, with Susan or without, but it definitely interests me.

[texanfan.livejournal.com]

I do hope you can achieve a closer relationship with your niece now, particularly since you were once close. It does sound like that family does not share your values, so that may be problematic.

The civil union question is simply my believe that marriage, as santified by God in a covenant relationship, is a religious matter. Civil unions, which bestow certain rights on the individuals in the eyes of the state, are a governmental matter. I see the two as seperate. I can well believe that the rate of divorce for couples that pray together is very low. It's a strong indication that the couple is relying on God to aid their marriage. That's always going to have a high success rate. :)

Fun

[sroni.livejournal.com]

Hey, I don't know how I missed this post before, but somehow, I did.
Know what I find more than slightly funny? As a non-Catholic, I know more about the Catholic faith than quite a few Catholics. (Not you. You're part of the reason I do know about it.) Because of the fact that I went to a Catholic school for two years, and then went to mass about half the Sundays out of the year... if not more. That's interesting. I've actually backed up someone in CP that I know, when someone else challenged their faith... and then said some things that the Catholic fiend of mine didn't know.
Love ya, and can't wait to see you again!