(no subject)

[aadler]

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Well, let’s see. Much has happened since my last entry.

Part of it, I won’t be talking about here. I set off a firestorm at the writercon community, and I’m perfectly willing to let it play out there. This LJ will continue to be devoted to the same subjects I’ve showcased till now: activities in the Army, during those times I’m on orders; my family and personal life; my fanfic writings, and the worlds in which they take place. That list really does encompass my primary interests on LJ. (Comments, here, on the writercon kerfuffle, will be deleted without reply.)

I paid another visit to the Russian lady, had a pleasant time, and arranged with her for when I would see her next. Then I went to stay with my son and ex-wife for a few days, to review with my ex the pre-cruise checklist for our coming Alaska trip. Things continue to warm up between us, to the point where we’re both beginning to feel we need to be more cautious. We leaped into marriage, were unhappy for thirteen years (ten, for me, it took me that long to fully realize just how unhappy she truly was), and then spent another ten years getting over the wreckage. Neither of us wants to do that again, and we can afford to take our time.

On the other hand, I called the Russian lady and canceled my scheduled follow-up visit. I’m not ready to deal with that right now. If I’m getting seriously involved with my ex-wife (and if we’re not there yet, we’re definitely moving in that direction), then it’s unfair to continue what might become a serious involvement with someone else. In fact, I’m nearly — or already — at the point where I need to draw an end to the second relationship. I don’t know a nice way to do that. I don’t leave women; they leave me, while I’m still trying to find a way to make things work. I’ve never learned how to carry it through in a way that’s kind, fair, and thoughtful. And I know from painful experience that my instincts, in personal matters, just plain stink.

Okay, I can see that I need to give my ex-wife a name, simply because it’s awkward to keep talking about her without one. I’ll go with ‘Susan’. Before I came back home, Susan and our son attended morning Mass with me again. As we were leaving, we were greeted by someone we had met the last time, an old co-worker of Susan’s, and the woman 1) called over one of the lay ministers, 2) introduced me as Susan’s husband, and 3) arranged for who Susan should see to begin attending RCIA meetings (Rite of Catholic Initiation for Adults). And, yes, likewise invited my son to attend Catholic campus ministry meetings at a nearby college; not the one he’s attending, but he may transfer there next year. I’ve not hidden from them that I’d love to get them into the Catholic church, but haven’t pushed it, and it was funny to me that others jumped in to provide the impetus, and that both of them seem receptive to the possibility.

(My son wants to go to seminary. If he does that as a Catholic, well, obvious problems. I want grandchildren, and I only have two kids, and I’d hate to see one of them ruled out as a transmitter of my genetic line … not to mention, he’s the one who would also transmit my name. Still, we’ll just have to see what happens.)

Though we haven’t spoken directly for the last several days, I saw on my daughter’s LJ that she’s been definitely chosen for the nine-month ministry trip to China, Hong Kong, Taiwan, and Korea. I’ve been hesitant about that … but the moment I knew it was a fact, my feelings changed. China. My baby girl is going to China. I’m proud of her for her adventurousness, and I’m happy that she has this opportunity. China. That is just cool.

I have to get ready for Reserve drill this coming weekend. The last I heard, they were planning to push us out of a boat, let us swim to one end of an island, and then shoot at us with airsoft guns while we tried to get to the other. Good training, I guess. Frankly, it sounds tedious and uncomfortable. But it’ll be done in less than a day, and then no doubt everything else will be a matter of catching up on paperwork.

I still haven’t started re-writing the work on which I’m supposed to be collaborating with sroni. I’ll get to it, I really will. Just haven’t yet.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/opalescence_/]

Hey, I'm a new friend. I wanted to say something rather than just lurk like some creepo. :-)

[aadler]

I appreciate the heads-up. Lurking is fine, but the occasional comment is better.

[kokyu.livejournal.com]

Hey, swing by my LJ will you? I mentioned the writercon storm.

[aadler]

I checked it. It was nice to see some reaction — albeit from someone who wasn’t at the ’Con — that wasn’t entirely negative.

[texanfan.livejournal.com]

Ending a relationship with a minimum of hurt feeling is always tricky, it's not just you by any means. I'm very happy to hear things are going well with Susan since I know you care for her very much, but it does leave you in an awkward situation with the Russian lady. In my own experience, being as truthful as possible about my feelings and hopes worked best. Not that I've had a lot of experience either. Also, briefer is better. But then I was dealing with men rather than women so I'm probably a bad person to give advice. I've never understood my own gender all that well.

Very glad to hear you've gone from trepidatious to excited over your daughter's trip. I'm sure it will be an enriching experience for her.

If it's not too personal a question, what have Susan and your son's previous religious affliations been?

[aadler]

Susan and I went into the Episcopal Church just after our daughter was born, and were happy and active there for almost ten years. (It was my own desire to get into Episcopal seminary — and the study and reflection that accompanied it — that eventually led me to recognize that most of my sympathies were Catholic.) When I converted, both our children were attending a Catholic school, and there was ample reason for me to hope that they would eventually follow me into the Church.

When Susan and I divorced, that pretty much brought the family conversion possibility to a halt. They eventually left the Episcopal church because internal politics at their parish were getting weird, and moved to a relatively conservative Methodist church. They’ve been firm in their Methodist identity for quite some time now … but recent events, as you can see, have opened the door to reconsidering the question.

As to your advice regarding the Russian lady, I have to agree that being fully and immediately truthful is probably the best course. Just not the most comfortable, which means I’ll have to nerve myself up to it. Thanks anyhow.

[texanfan.livejournal.com]

Methodism is a very logical step from Episcopalian since it derives from there. Of course, all demonination derive from Catholicism, except for Eastern Orthodox and Messianic Jews. :) In any case, at least no one is trying to make the move from all the way over in the Baptist camp. :)

[bastardsnow.livejournal.com]

Commenting here because this is a less public forum and generally doesn't deal with other issues that are happening in the other place.

I just wanted to say re: the conversation Saturday night, no apology necessary. I understand why you left, and though I think you probably could have handled it better, well, nobody's perfect, and I'd be lying if I said I never handled anything poorly. From my POV, it's a thing, it happened, but no big deal. "Bygones," as they say. So don't worry about it.

[aadler]

Thank you. I’m glad we’re okay on that.

[tx-cronopio.livejournal.com]

Hi! Just added you. Don't delete me for mentioning the WC kerfluffle, please! I thought you handled it with a good bit of dignity.

Also, I live at Fort Hood, so that idea that someone like you enjoys fanfic and Buffy just tickles the socks off me.

[tx-cronopio.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I didn't mean that "someone like you" to sound perjorative. Damn LJ, for not allowing comments editing!

[aadler]

Actually, given your mention of Fort Hood, I took the “someone like you” to be a reference to the continuing military thread in my LJ. No problem, and likewise none with the glancing mention of WriterCon. I just don’t want to start the whole thing over again here.