Of no particular importance

[aadler]

Today was Susan’s and my anniversary (the one for our remarriage), and was also an occasion for me to get together with my brothers. My youngest brother, Dave, lives in the same city where Susan and I make our ‘home’ base when not RV-traveling, but the middle brother — Matt — is in the next state over. Matt came here to visit his daughter and grandchildren, and the three of us took the opportunity to meet at a local eatery (one suitable enough that Susan and I had actually eaten there earlier this week).

It was a decent enough visit, but brought a repeat of an experience I’ve had elsewhere. We were there for three hours, checking occasionally to make sure there were still open tables in the restaurant so we weren’t shutting out other customers … and, sometime after the first hour, it worked out with Dave and Matt talking with each other — and Susan with Matt’s wife — while I just sat there. Listening, without (apparently) anyone noticing that I was no longer a part of what was going on.

It's fairly common for me, actually. I can talk fine with one person; when it’s two or more, though, unless Susan is explicitly taking active measures to facilitate my inclusion, it all too often devolves to me being the odd one out. Usually it’s because 1) they’re talking about something to which I have no contribution and no way to change the subject, or 2) they’re tuned in to each other, talking back and forth so quickly that I never have that extra moment I need to think of and then say what I might have to say.

It's just the way it is. I choose my words, and even if that only takes a second, that bare second frequently turns out to be too long. And these were my brothers, with whom I’ve been dealing their entire lives and who have no intention of shutting me out. It just happens. And with me, it happens a lot.

It didn’t bum me out. Still, it wasn’t a positive note, either. I noted it down and moved on. It’ll happen again, and again I’ll shrug it off and move on.

My world, the way it is.