When facts don’t penetrate, try irony

Direct steal from THIS POST in the Shot in the Dark blog:

(Background info: Mitch Berg is the author. Avery Librelle is a continuing ‘character’ in the semi-parody scenes Berg writes, representing this-or-that ‘A Very Liberal’ person of his unfortunate acquaintance.)

SCENE:  Mitch BERG is shopping for a  suit. As he pokes through a  rack of jackets, Avery LIBRELLE wanders around the corner, distracted, nearly bumping into him.

LIBRELLE:  Merg!

BERG:  Oh, sh…–shuper amazing to see you, Avery.

LIBRELLE:  Don’t give me the happy talk. What about the charges against you?

BERG:  Charges? Oh, do tell.

LIBRELLE:  Miss Lyudmila Korolevska says you tried to kiss her against her will, and told her an unwelcome dirty joke at a  party.

BERG:  Huh. Never met anyone named Lyud–… er, Korolevska.

LIBRELLE:  It was at a  party in either Yalta, Kilpyavr or Novisibirsk* in 1983.

BERG:  Huh. I was in college in rural North Dakota in 1983. Nowhere near Russia.

LIBRELLE:  Don’t evade the question!

BERG:  What question?

LIBRELLE:  Why did you sexually assault Miss Shtolipinska?

BERG:  Wasn’t her name just Korolevska —?

LIBRELLE:  She goes back and forth on that.

BERG:  Huh. So you don’t know her name, it took place in one of three places …

LIBRELLE:  Or maybe Smolensk.

BERG:  … four places that I have never been, at times when I couldn’t have been there, doing things I just don’t do.

LIBRELLE:  I believe accusers!

BERG:  Of course you do. Accusers like Karen Monahan?

LIBRELLE:  SLUT! WHORE! CAPITALIST TOOL!

BERG:  Of course she is.

STORE STAFFER:  Er, ma’am … (Confused) … sir … um [Looks at BERG, perplexed. BERG shrugs], er, loud person?

LIBRELLE:  [Exasperated, to both] Oh, you people and your privilege!

And SCENE

**********

DISCLAIMER: Yes, I referenced Novosibirsk in one of my stories. This does NOT mean I am part of the vast right-wing conspiracy. (Because they won’t send me my membership card, damn it.)