Life Lessons

 
Ten Things I Learned in My First Month at Gitmo

1. When a small iguana runs, it curls its tail up over its back in a tight spiral. Makes it look like a BIG scorpion.
2. Antifungal powder is just as necessary in hot, wet climates as in hot, dry climates (and failing to use it results in just as much discomfort).
3. Coconut rum tastes even better straight out of the freezer.
4. It is not, repeat NOT, a good idea to ever use the word “squid” on a naval base.
5. The official guidelines for dealing with a jellyfish sting advise pouring vinegar on it, rather than peeing on it. (But people still swear by the latter anyway.)
6. If you happen to notice a turkey buzzard circling over you, it doesn’t mean anything. Really. Nothing at all.
7. The mosquitoes are small, silent, and painless, and their bites itch like nothing you would believe. For weeks.
8. If you’re spending more on beer than on anything else, your priorities are just about right.
9. When a good-looking, nicely dressed woman slides up next to you at a bar and strikes up a conversation, she’s working for the New York Times or the ACLU. Either way, you’re about to get screwed … just not in the manner you might prefer.
10. An Army captain is “sir”. A Navy captain is “SIR!”