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Jul. 2nd, 2006 02:16 pm– – – – – –
Some days there just isn’t anything to report. So, naturally, I feel the necessity to say something anyhow.
My brother has all his kids with him for the long 4th of July weekend. He’s constantly asking me if he’s stepping on my toes about anything, because his presence (and theirs) necessitates certain adjustments in my routine and in the household itself. After about the third time he said it, I realized that I’ve gotten used to spending a year at a time sharing quarters with anything from three to a dozen men (soldiers), so I’ve just become accustomed to thinking in different terms. Overall, simply not a problem.
We’re still living without air conditioning, which affects him more than me. It’s a simple proposition: as long as I don’t use the A/C at all, I don’t have to pay for any additional utilities. (Obviously, there IS extra use when I’m here, but that’s covered by the rent I pay). A few fans to keep the air moving, and that’s enough for me. It’s more of an adjustment for my brother, but still within acceptable tolerances.
My ex-wife is getting excited now that the Alaska trip is approaching reality. I’m not. It’s just an oddity about the way my mind works: in most things, anticipation doesn’t really touch me, not emotionally. I have to be deep into something before the effects begin making themselves felt. When an Afghan malcontent dropped a grenade into the back of Truck #3 on a convoy through Kandahar (I was in Truck #1), and I had to jump out and take point while the others were seeing to the disabled vehicle, assessing injuries (none, fortunately), and preparing to respond to the ambush that usually accompanies such an attack, I can remember monitoring my emotional status at the time. As I recall, it was something along the lines of, Okay, things could be about to get really interesting here. They didn’t, as it happened — there was no ambush, and the grenade-tosser had immediately fled — but that’s me in a nutshell. Instead of feeling something, I’m usually watching myself to SEE how I feel.
Doesn’t keep me from enjoying things. But the thrill of knowing something is coming, I’m generally denied that.
About ten members of my unit showed up last night for the appearance at the rodeo. Though I hadn’t thought about it before, this was actually the first time I had appeared in public, before a large non-military-based crowd, in uniform as a returning veteran. Loud and approving response; this is Bible-belt country, and we’re local boys who made good. Mostly I remember feeling very weird about being outdoors, in uniform, without a head covering (beret, helmet, or patrol cap). It just didn’t feel right.
I have business in town tomorrow that needs to be addressed. After that, I may drive to the center of the state for a few days to spend more time with my son. When all I have is free time, it seems I ought to use it for the things that matter most.
Some days there just isn’t anything to report. So, naturally, I feel the necessity to say something anyhow.
My brother has all his kids with him for the long 4th of July weekend. He’s constantly asking me if he’s stepping on my toes about anything, because his presence (and theirs) necessitates certain adjustments in my routine and in the household itself. After about the third time he said it, I realized that I’ve gotten used to spending a year at a time sharing quarters with anything from three to a dozen men (soldiers), so I’ve just become accustomed to thinking in different terms. Overall, simply not a problem.
We’re still living without air conditioning, which affects him more than me. It’s a simple proposition: as long as I don’t use the A/C at all, I don’t have to pay for any additional utilities. (Obviously, there IS extra use when I’m here, but that’s covered by the rent I pay). A few fans to keep the air moving, and that’s enough for me. It’s more of an adjustment for my brother, but still within acceptable tolerances.
My ex-wife is getting excited now that the Alaska trip is approaching reality. I’m not. It’s just an oddity about the way my mind works: in most things, anticipation doesn’t really touch me, not emotionally. I have to be deep into something before the effects begin making themselves felt. When an Afghan malcontent dropped a grenade into the back of Truck #3 on a convoy through Kandahar (I was in Truck #1), and I had to jump out and take point while the others were seeing to the disabled vehicle, assessing injuries (none, fortunately), and preparing to respond to the ambush that usually accompanies such an attack, I can remember monitoring my emotional status at the time. As I recall, it was something along the lines of, Okay, things could be about to get really interesting here. They didn’t, as it happened — there was no ambush, and the grenade-tosser had immediately fled — but that’s me in a nutshell. Instead of feeling something, I’m usually watching myself to SEE how I feel.
Doesn’t keep me from enjoying things. But the thrill of knowing something is coming, I’m generally denied that.
About ten members of my unit showed up last night for the appearance at the rodeo. Though I hadn’t thought about it before, this was actually the first time I had appeared in public, before a large non-military-based crowd, in uniform as a returning veteran. Loud and approving response; this is Bible-belt country, and we’re local boys who made good. Mostly I remember feeling very weird about being outdoors, in uniform, without a head covering (beret, helmet, or patrol cap). It just didn’t feel right.
I have business in town tomorrow that needs to be addressed. After that, I may drive to the center of the state for a few days to spend more time with my son. When all I have is free time, it seems I ought to use it for the things that matter most.
